


Welcome to Hell! Sign here, please.

by Vein_Is_Simply_Tired



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!, 鬼灯の冷徹 | Hoozuki no Reitetsu
Genre: Hoozuki typical violence, Japan's hell is a hell we are proud of, The best service according to your sins, YES!, not crack but not serious either
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 05:53:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18462827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vein_Is_Simply_Tired/pseuds/Vein_Is_Simply_Tired
Summary: Mafia Boss Tsuna goes straight to hell after he dies, no surprise.Now his sentence on the other hand...





	Welcome to Hell! Sign here, please.

**Author's Note:**

> I was doing laundry while toying around with KHR plot and listening to music from my phone when the song change from pop to _tok! tok! tok!tok!tok! Nihon no jigoku wa jiman no jigoku~_
> 
> And my brain went _DING_! _Congratulations it's a plot bunny_!

“ _You, are going to hell_ ,” the balding man angrily spat before a single bullet goes through his head.

‘That is an of course,’ Vongola Decimo, Sawada Tsunayoshi, thought as he summons the clean-up crew.

Hell exists, and when he died, the weight of blood and sins will drag him down straight to hell.

 

See?

 

Tsuna opens his eyes to find himself walking along with countless of others, barefooted and barehanded, clad in plain white yukata and triangular corpse-hat.

‘… being dead is actually quite nice,’ Tsuna absentmindedly thought as he notes his body’s perfect regenerative capability. The endless hours he spends walking doesn’t hurt his feet, his stomach doesn’t hurt or hunger and his headaches are gone.

After graveled roads, fierce rivers, and rolling boulders, he finally sees the judgment palace.

Peaceful and painless time is up.

Tsuna knows very well why the dead have this kind of physique, after all, that’s why he orders their sun to heal their enemies.

* * *

King Enma sighs as the guards drag the pleading dead-man out.

“Alright, the next one would be the last dead-man for today,” Hozuki states while staring intently to the paper in his hand.

“Really?!” King Enma perks up happily before his face twists to a wary one, “It’s so unlike you to end the office hour early. What are you planning?”

 “The next one is a bit special,” Hozuki signs the paper before moving to the record card and King Enma’s wary face twists further into revulsion as Hozuki picks up a scroll four times thicker than the average.

“Hagei-san works especially hard to transcript this one, make sure you read it carefully,” Hozuki places the thick scroll on King Enma’s table along with the piece of paper he’s scrutinizing before. “After that please consider this.”

King Enma’s eyes land on the paper first since it’s a hell lot shorter.

“A-re? This is…,” King Enma is starting to get an idea about the kind of person that is the next dead-man.

 

After 1 hour of skimming the scroll, King Enma calls for the dead-man to be presented.

Despite the thickness of his scroll, the extremely high number of important things he did, the dead-man that comes is a brown-haired dead-man with human age less than 30.

‘How thick would the roll be if he lives until late age?’ King Enma internally sweat-dropped at the mental image he conjured.

 _Cough_ ‘No good, Hozuki-kun will scold me if I don’t do this properly,’ King Enma raises the thick scroll a bit and loudly says, “I’ll begin the judgment for Sawada Tsunayoshi!” 

 

The dead-man silently hears his list of sins read out-loud by King Enma, he doesn’t raise a single protest or plead and doesn’t avert his eyes when the Johari Mirror replays his worst deeds.

He’s incredibly calm, but unlike a mentally unsound dead-man, this one’s calm is that of a dead-man who knows his sins and ready to atone for it.

King Enma finally arrives at his final decision.

 

“Therefore! By the judgment of King Enma! You are sentenced to! King Enma’s Resources Department!”

“?!” Only years of tortu-training prevents Tsuna from displaying his shock at the words.

“Where you’ll be appointed the role of an assistant manager.”

From what he already sees, Hell runs a lot like a _company_ , and his _punishment_ is to _work_?!

“The Probationary Period is three months,” continues the black haired oni standing on King Enma’s side, “After that is full-time employment.”

‘Scratch that, Hell runs _exactly_ like a company. They even have the same terminology,’ Tsuna’s facial expression doesn’t change but his eyes turn blank.

“The position is quite good with a lot of chance for promotion, roughly speaking, it’s basically a stepping stone.”

‘I don’t want it!’ Tsuna didn’t die to be reunited with _paperwork_. “Excuse me,” he raises his hand, “Shouldn’t I end up in somewhere like Daikyōkan Jigoku(Hell of Great Screaming)?”

“Eh? You want to work in that division? We do have an opening there.”

“That’s not what I mean…,” Tsuna shows his reluctance.

“This is Hell,” the black haired oni deadpanned, “Your treatment depends on your actions while you’re alive.”

And Tsuna’s actions reward him with _more paperwork_.

“Please have mercy,” those words never work but Tsuna can’t help it.

It doesn’t work. Instead, the oni levelly states, “Offerings by the living _do_ arrive in Hell. We used to throw all of them away, but recently we’re implementing methods to put those offerings to good use. Having said that, their number, specifically the number of offerings for _you,_ have been coming nonstop in amounts that are growing larger by day.

In short, we need more worker to keep this place from turning into a Black Company. You’re it,” the oni points with an unchanging stoic face.

King Enma besides him sweat-dropped, “Hozuki-kun, is it really alright to put it that way?”

“Of course, a worker that quits midway creates more paperwork-”

Tsuna tunes out the banter narrow his eyes. The thought of his family’s _offerings for him_ being dumped away somewhere like trash is, ‘ _Not acceptable_.’

He died. He can’t protect his family anymore. But if, at the very least, he can protect their thoughts and efforts for him, he would.

“Where do I sign?”

* * *

(Thousands of Hell Years Later)

When Lambo dies, he ends up in Hell.

It’s a pleasant surprise.

If he, the baby, the most sheltered of his family, ends up in Hell, then the others will too.

‘Ah but Tsuna-nii might not be here,’ he suppresses the impulse to cry and walks through the charred ground littered with fires burning tall.

There are pained screams coming from all directions as typical devil-looking creatures, with horns and bat wings, playing with humans of all appearance and race.

He coolly watches as a devil approaches, not bothering to quicken his pace.

When they get into a conversing distance, the devil opens his mouth, “Excuse me, you are Lambo born from Bovino family, Italy, right?”

He stops.

“If I say yes?” Dare he hopes?

“Let’s see here,” the devil takes out a piece of paper from his pocket and reads it, “Well basically because of an arrangement with Japanese Hell, your trial and punishment will be done there.”

“Oh…” _Sniff. Don’t cry. Don’t cry_.

“Follow me to the airport, please.”

The devil walks and Lambo eagerly follows with slightly wet eyes.

* * *

(Hundreds of Hell Years Later)

“Heee, so your punishment years will end soon, turf top?” Lambo asks with eyes slightly wider than usual.

“YES to the EXTREME!” Turf top exclaims as he dodges an iron club and throws a straight punch.

“That’s so nice, I’m jealous,” Lambo sighs.

“Ermmm… You …,” a sad and tired voice sounds behind him, “Can you at least pretend it hurts? At this rate, Hozuki-sama will scold me for _not working hard enough!_ again.”

_Clang! Clang! Clang! Clang!_

The torturer oni’s oversized cleave collides with Lightning-Flame coated skin and leave behind not even a single scratch.

“ _Yare yare_ , if you want, I can do that too,” Lambo gestures to turf top’s torturer oni who’s lying KO-ed on the ground. The culprit is now running after other people’s torturer oni.

“ _NOOO! Stay away from me! Oni doesn’t have a regenerative capability like you dead-man, okay!_ ”

“…,” Lambo’s torturer oni closes his mouth and continue swinging his cleave uselessly with dead eyes.

Lambo yawns and closes his eyes to dozes off. Hell’s torture ground is boring, if not for the sake of getting his record clean, he wouldn’t bother playing the part of tortured sinners.

‘Come to think about it, obon is in 5 weeks,’ a smile gets into his face. Obon is the only day where he can see Tsuna-nii, which makes it the one and only day from 365 that he waits for each year.

‘Soon. _Soon_.’

His torture sentence will end in 400 years, after that is an eternity with his family, definitely not a bad trade.

 

This place is Hell. It’s pretty good place.

**Author's Note:**

> Takeshi is chillin on a remote corner since he keeps putting the torturers and tortured to sleep.  
> Hibari is instant BFF with Karashi (kachi-kachi rabbit).  
> Mukuro is making Avici Hell (the worse hell) torturers cry.  
> Chrome finishes her torture years and is now working as Tsuna's assistant.  
> Hayato is the same, only he trade-off thousands torture years for unpaid work ("I don't need salary! Being with Juudaime is the greatest reward!").
> 
> And~ CUT!


End file.
